Cherry Vajitas
by Sinvisigoth
Summary: After role-play there came hole-play…and some extreme violation of baked goods. Jasper wants Bella…and he'll paint her a very pretty picture of just what he wants to do to her.


**This was my entry for the Round Mound of a Beehound vagina euphemism contest. I only got one review so please be kind and leave a few words. I had so many more ideas than I could possibly fit into this that there will be many more chapters to come. Enjoy.**

**~Sin~**

**Disclaimer : I don't own the characters but I totally own all the poontastic synonyms.**

**Cherry Vajitas**

**Bella Pov**

"Errmmm…Rose? Are you sure this is what best friends do in their spare time?" I looked at the cupid's bow pout she was lipsticking on my partially shaved underpinnings.

"Well sure, Bells." she said, turning her attention back to her own masterpiece. Which, I might add, wore a much sluttier shade of lipstick. She tugged on a long, lonely, golden tuft and curled it around a fingertip with incredible dexterity for someone who had accumulated a pile of eight empty vodka bottles in the last hour. "Hey look" she pointed "I gave it a hairstyle! It looks just like La Rue!"

I snorted as she clenched and unclenched her thighs to make the pubic primadonna mime to her slurred singing. "Hehehe Pubes La Rue!"

I bunny hopped around the room until I found the hands free set for my cellphone. Rose cackled and slid gracelessly backwards off the bed – causing her panty-pout to yawn extravagantly – as I sellotaped the small black mic to my sluicegates, adding a pair of glittery false eyelashes above the disturbingly lifelike eyes Rose had drawn in with eyeliner.

"I present….Vajdonna!" With a couple of water cooler cone cups stuffed inside a bra tied round my knees I warbled 'Vogue' and 'Like a Virgin' sliding my hips back and forth to make my 'mouth' follow the words.

Rose went a beautiful shade of purple as she attempted to stop laughing by snorting a line of vodka off of one of the growing pile of battery operated friends we had accumulated. The pile had grown steadily as we hunted through drawers and closets for anything with novelty value to pass the time until the Cullen men returned home. I think the vibrators were going to pick a fight with the vodka bottles at some point and I really didn't know which side to put my money on.

"Oh my god!" I shrieked, hopping over to Rose with a 'Eureka' type grin plastered on my face. She looked confused until I had eight of the little bastards lined up in a row. Then she caught on and started stacking like a motherfucker. Vajdonna and Pubes La Rue…IN CONCERT…ONE TIME ONLY….with their own….audience.

"Errrmmm….Bells…..how did we manage to amass thirty-eight vibrators between us?"

"On top of whatever we've purchased for ourselves, Jasper joined me up for Dildo-of-the-Month Club last year for my birthday. I'd had enough of him moping over Alice deciding she liked Deadward better and challenged him to play a practical joke on a different person every week. I was the test subject." I chuckled. "I don't think he realised it was the best gift I'd ever had." I winked at her and she snorted in a rather unbecoming manner.

"So because he doesn't have the guts to tell you that he wants to have a girthday party in your pooñata, he buys you things that do get to help you…erm…celebrate?"

"Huh? This is Jasper we're talking about, yes?"

"Affirmative. You do know he likes you, right?"

"Well, we're family; we all like each other."

"Dude, you suck ass."

"I beg your pardon? What the fuck, Frosty?!" I threw a small, purple dildo at her head, giggling like a punctured dirigible when it bounced off her and lodged in the crotch of the one legged store mannequin that held her carelessly discarded clothing. His name was Ian and his speciality was explosives. Related to this may have been his polite refusal to answer questions about his missing limb. He accepted his new purple uniform with equanimity.

"That we can deal with later. For now..well…you know that when a guy likes a girl there's certain stuff that he wants to do with her?"

"If this involves heavy breathing, leather and pudding then I don't want to know."

"He's loves you, you vicious trollop! He wants to stick his wand in your magic circle for the sake of Pete!"

"Oh. Um. Are you sure?"

"Trust me. It's pretty much all he thinks about. Every time you bite your damn lip Edward goes green because Jasper's started visualising setting up his tent in panty camp. You need to give the man a break, Bells. Well, both of them, really."

"Holy fuck."

"Yeah, I think you've pretty much got the gist."

"How in the name of Zeus' butthole do I deal with this? He must be used to my complete and blissful ignorance of the situation by now. How do I get things moving?"

"I have an idea. The guys are staying in a hotel with internet yes?"

"Yeeeees. Why?"

"I think we need to get the family in the chatroom."

The Cullen family chatroom was off limits to anyone outside the family except a few select friends. It was awesome under normal circumstances. Completely drunk with lippy on our pole-holes and a battery operated panel of judges, it was going to be off the fucking planet.

I heard Rosie make a few phone calls and lay on the bed with my laptop while she straddled one very lucky chair in front of the desktop. A few minutes later and we were in.

**Sparklechat. mIRC channel: 69discostick**

**Moderators : DoctorDeath; Lesme; GrizzlyHardons**

**Currently in channel : rosewell51; bellaperv; WolfyJB; GodofWar; pixiegrrl69**

(DoctorDeath) Wassuuuuuuup my bitches?!

(Lesme) Carlisle!

(bellaperv) hahahaha Carlisle what are you on?

(DoctorDeath) There was absinthe. And wasabi. And did I mention there was absinthe?

(Lesme) Sugar high! Wooooooo! I'm sugar high!

(DoctorDeath) It's a great word to trace with your tongue also. Aaaaaaabsiiiiiinthe.

(bellaperv) rosie painted my girl parts

(Lesme) Hehehe. Carlisle likes licking the sugar cube. mmmmm Carlisle, say it a bit to the left, baby.

*GrizzlyHardons just came in his pants a little

(GodofWar) yeah it so is. but not as good as pumpernickel. puh puh puh pumpernickel

(WolfyJB) jeez Esme that's more than i ever wanted to know about you guys

(bellaperv) with lipstick

(pixiegrrl69) oh yeah Jazz? whose nickel do you want to pump?

(GrizzlyHardons) What the fuck? Ropsie!!!!! How could you??!!

(GodofWar) errrrrrrrrm. i refuse to answer that. on the grounds that i haven't had enough absinthe yet

(rosewell51) who the fuck is Ropsie? Are you fucking another woman? *snorts* hahaha sorry baby. it was just too tempting. and it looks like a little cowrie shell. i bet if i put my ear next to it i could hear the sea

(WolfyJB) hehe. hehehe. seamen

(pixiegrrl69) you painted her Sistine Chapel without me? what the fuck Michelangelo!! How could you do that without me there!?!

(WolfyJB) seeeeeeeeeeeamen

(rosewell51) jesus-tittyfucking-christ. how much absinthe did you guys get through?

(bellaperv) haha alice you should see rosie's. her clam halves are painted too. i think the colour is called Blowjob Red

(Lesme) mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm lots. I think it came in a crate.

(GrizzlyHardons) fuck Jake, we get it, OK!

(DoctorDeath) They have a lipstick called Blowjob Red? Where do you get it? Can I buy some? Where do I get it?

(pixiegrrl69) hahaha you said came

(GodofWar) so did you. where the fuck are my stockings?

(bellaperv) i stuck my cellphone mic to my birthbap. it's called Vajdonna! she sings!

(GrizzlyHardons) make a video! make a video!

(Lesme) Jasper dear, why do you have stockings?

*rosewell51 smacks GrizzlyHardons round the head

(rosewell51) hey! why didn't you ask to see a video of mine! she's called Pubes La Rue! we're giving a charity concert

(GodofWar) i don't! didn't you just see me say I couldn't find them?!

*DoctorDeath shakes his head in disbelief

(DoctorDeath) I never thought I'd see the day when a son of mine turned into a transvestite.

(GodofWar) umm…Carlisle? i stole them out of your sock drawer…

(DoctorDeath) Shit up!!! I mean shut up! Fuck Jasper, no-one needs to know that!

*GrizzlyHardons is experiencing shocked silence

(GrizzlyHardons) dad said the F word

(DoctorDeath) Why? Why couldn't I just collect classic cars like any other rich mofo?

(GodofWar) beeeeeeecause….you think it's pretentious?

(DoctorDeath) Because I collected children instead! I was all set for the perfect immortal life! I had a beautiful wife, a Swiss bank account, a poodle named Foofer, a promising career as a highly skilled surgeon for thousands of years ahead of me and instead I ended up with you lot, causing massive brain damage and total loss of respect!

*pixiegrrl69 collapses on the floor at hearing her father use the word 'mofo'

(pixiegrrl69) jesus…*gasping*…for god's sake someone pull one of my legs off. I can't stop laughing

(bellaperv) *snorts* like we didn't know about the stockings

*bellaperv rolls eyes

*Guest 74835 enters the channel

(Lesme) I think I need more absinthe. Screw that, give me the wasabi.

*Guest 74835 is now known as GivemeheadyEddy

(GivemeheadyEddy) Why does Mom want to drink wasabi?

(DoctorDeath) Wait…what? Who knew about the stockings?

(GrizzlyHardons) Ed. dude. you have some serious catching up to do, man. we're all at least eight bottles ahead of you. go check your mini bar. I stocked it.

(WolfyJB) because she's a milf and it's the only thing on earth that's hotter than her!!!!!!!!!

(bellaperv) Carlisle, whenever you're wearing them you swoosh your toes back and forth across the carpet making yourself hornier and everything that touches you glow with static electrickery. tricity. damnit

(WolfyJB) woooooohoooooooooooooooo!

(Lesme) FUCK! cheeeeeeeeeee. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. muhuhuhuh. shit! my nose!

(DoctorDeath) I like the way they make my legs all silky smooth!

(GivemeheadyEddy) Mother! Don't snort that crap! You don't know what it'll do to you!

(Lesme) mmmmmmm. smoooooth. Carlisle. silky. My lil Carlie silkylegs. hehehehehe.

(Lesme) I do so! It makes my nose fall off!

(rosewell51) goddamnit people! i'm sitting here baring my pearly gates to all God's angels and a webcam and none of you are paying attention!

(GodofWar) errrrm. i need more absinthe before I look at that

(GivemeheadyEddy) umm. yeah. I need to check my mini bar

(DoctorDeath) Ah. Yes. Well. Why don't we all take five?

(WolfyJB) fuck that! show us your rosebud babygirl! I'm paying attention!

(pixiegrrl69) oh for crying out loud

**MIRC channel 69 sparklechat session suspended**

**Jasper Pov**

I flung the empty bottle at Emmett's head and sniggered when it exploded, leaving him looking less aware than Forrest Gump's leg brace.

"Jazz! Whuh. Why did…uh…that was empty right?"

"DUH!"

"Fuck, dude, no need to take out your frustrations on me man!"

"I am NOT frustrated you muscle-bound party favour."

"Uh huh. Keep telling yourself that, Jazzman. You honestly think that there's enough absinthe in the world to replace the mental pic you have of Bella's poonhenge with a green fairy? Trust me. Not going to happen."

"What the fuck would you know about that?"

"Everyone…I…can't you just…OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE JUST JAB HER IN THE CORAL CAVERN AND HAVE DONE WITH IT!" Emmett pumped a fist through the wall in frustration.

"Hahahahaha." I fell sideways off the chair and landed ass first in half a pizza. Why is it that we can only eat human food when we're drunk? The rest of the time just the thought of it makes you want to remove your own stomach, but apparently we're just as susceptible to getting the munchies as humans. Just as well we don't get the munchies FOR humans when we've had a few bottles, I suppose. "I can't believe you just commanded me to do your sister. Duuuuuuuuuuuuude." On closer inspection, I was going to have to have words with Emmett about his culinary preferences. Seriously, who has gummy bears as a pizza topping? Glad I got the cherry pie. Unless that in and of itself is a comment on my mental state and obsession with Bella's virgin party portal.

"What else am I supposed to do?" he shrieked as he overhanded a new bottle to me. "Every time she comes within smelling distance you start throwing off the most perverted shit all over the place. Seriously, dude, I actually caught Edward in the kitchen pouring oven cleaner in his eyes to get rid of the mental images you're giving him. He was muttering something about pink oysters and peanut butter being mutually exclusive."

I couldn't help it, I snorted half the bottle straight back and then right out my nose again at the thought of Dickward's discomfort. Emmett looked a little disgusted. He obviously didn't understand metaphors. I would have to explain about the whole tongue sticking to the roof of your mouth thing.

_Ha! Just wait until he finds out what I want to do to her intake valve with the stick shift of his four wheeler!_

"Whatever, Jazz. Just stop fucking leaking, OK? The rest of us don't need to get turned on every time we buy a fucking butternut squash down the grocery store you know. Cut that shit right out."

"So…um…how do I get from my present situation to actually being able to..uh..slip my luggage past her cargo bay doors?"

"Well…the chatroom is the ideal opportunity, man. Cybersex is fun and virtual flirting can be a hell of a lot less terrifying than the real thing."

"Emmett, I once stuffed a general's own horse up his ass after wiping out his entire army. I. Am. Not. Terrified. Of. Anything."

"Hehe. Do you know why Snow White got thrown out of Disneyworld?"

"Errr…"

"She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face and saying 'Lie to me! Lie to me!'" Emmett's massive frame heaved with laughter as he reached under my ass for the rest of the pizza.

"Your point being?"

"You're a pansy-assed buttmuncher and you are so scared of getting it on with Bella that you'd crap your pants if you were still human." He levelled a serious eye at me. The other one jittered manically and threatened to take out a small principality with a death ray just to prove it fucking could.

"FINE! I'm scared of asking her out! Happy now?"

"Yep. But only coz I've just figured out how to help you." He grinned like a split melon and nodded vigorously.

"So. Pansy-assed buttmuncher huh?" I grinned evilly as I pushed him gently out the window. I leaned out to see him punching the air and cursing as he plummeted softly to the street below. "How does my ass taste now, dickhead?"

I sat down on the edge of the bed and mashed the last wedge of cherry pie into my mouth.

Suddenly, mid-chew, a flash of genius sparked a heinous plan.

**Sparklechat. mIRC channel: 69discostick**

**Moderators : DoctorDeath; Lesme**

**Currently in channel : rosewell51; bellaperv; WolfyJB; pixiegrrl69**

*GodofWar joins the channel

(GodofWar) Guys are you still here?

(pixiegrrl69) hey jazz is back. give him a wedgie, quick!

(DoctorDeath) Yes, Jasper, we're still here. You missed Rose's opening performance for the charity concert. Other than Jake I can honestly say that we are all going to be walking around with extremely wide eyes and a new and healthy respect for La Rue's music and frozen tubes of cookie dough for the rest of our days.

*GrizzlyHardons sneaks back in through the window and gives jazz a cold pizza wedgie

(Lesme) I still don't get the second bit. I mean, I don't remember much about being human but I remember the whole deal about sticking your tongue on ice. Why does that not apply in this situ…ahhhhh….I get it.

(DoctorDeath) I'm not sure I want to get it. *groans* I'm fairly sure that baking and sex are not meant to be bedfellows.

(bellaperv) awwwwwww. Carlisle, baking can be totally sexy!

(Lesme) I think that's the vodka talking, Bella dear.

(GodofWar) she's right, you know. you wanna let me see your pie, little girl?

*GodofWar leers at Bella

(bellaperv) vodka can talk? but I don't understand Russian :(

(DoctorDeath) Jasper for God's sake, we do not need to hear any more about baked items of any kind.

(rosewell51) you don't need to understand it, hun, just drink some more

*rosewell51 hands bellaperv another glass of the good stuff

(bellaperv) you wanna see my pie, huh? *evil grin*

(Lesme) I don't think I can watch this.

(GodofWar) oh yeah. i wanna lick your pie

(WolfyJB) oh this is about to get good. even gooder than the cookie dough.

*bellaperv flashes her trembling tart at GodofWar

(DoctorDeath) Jasper there will be no licking!

*GodofWar stands to attention and salutes bellaperv's pretty piecrust

(WolfyJB) too late, doc, it's started! woohoo!

*bellaperv throws GodofWar on the floor and plants a kiss on the tip of his…pie

(pixiegrrl69) haha Jazz, did you just call her lady pieces crusty? LMFAO

*WolfyJB gets some popcorn

*GodofWar eyes bellaperv's pie and caresses it gently

(GodofWar) you like what I do to your pie honey?

(pixiegrrl69) fuck me with a scarecrow and call me Dorothy. what the fuck are you guys on?

(bellaperv) oh yeah honey. can you feel how hot my pie is for you? i want you inside my tuna tartlet baby

*GodofWar puts his finger into bellaperv's pie, relishing every moment

* bellaperv turns round and leans over, slipping her lips around the tip of GodofWar's pie

*GodofWar is now known as GodofPie

* Pixiegrrl69 is laughing so loud

* bellaperv enjoys the meat of GodofPie's pie and sucks the dripping pre-gravy from it

(Pixiegrrl69) PIEbersex!!!!!!

* GodofPie pie dribbles more pre-gravy with the caress of bellaperv's lips

*GivemeheadyEddy joins the channel

(bellaperv) yesyesyes piebersex

(rosewell51) i wonder if pie sex has a web site

(Pixiegrrl69) lol

(bellaperv) oh god we should make one

* DoctorDeath laughs at bellaperv

(GodofPie) yes, we should

(GivemeheadyEddy) == knows web design

(rosewell51) sure why not

(GodofPie) everyone has a pie

(bellaperv) but first get back to eating my pie

(GodofPie) follow the pie

(GodofPie) the pie is the golden path that leads to the valley of :cool:

* bellaperv wants a pic of her pie on the homepage

(GivemeheadyEddy) anybody want any pickle pie???

(GodofPie) the only problem is that inserting one pie into another repeatedly seems bizarre

(GodofPie) as enjoyable as it is

(bellaperv) not if the pie being inserted is a sort of wrap pie, and hence kinda tube shaped....sort of a vajita instead of a fajita?

(GodofPie) Eddy you clearly don't understand piebersex

(DoctorDeath) I am being educated about pie…more than I have ever wanted to be.

(GodofPie) a cumberland sausage would work

(bellaperv) pie is sexy

(GodofPie) but it's too blatant

(bellaperv) oh god yes!!!!!!!

(bellaperv) yeah, i'd get booted if i started licking pre-gravy from your cumberland sausage

* bellaperv licks GodofPie's sausage anyway

(GodofPie) i dunno

(GivemeheadyEddy) ha ha ha!!!! You guys are too funny

(GodofPie) they'd probably let you get away with you licking pre-cum from my engorged manhood

* bellaperv wants GodofPie to play hide the sausage with her pie

(bellaperv) nah i like pie better

(bellaperv) and GRAVY!

(GivemeheadyEddy) engorged manhood!

(GodofPie) lol

* bellaperv 's pie can feel where GodofPie's hidden his sausage and starts producing more gravy

(GodofPie) y'see, me and Bells…we got class…we got style

(GodofPie) we got imagination

(bellaperv) piestyle

(GodofPie) and a sense of humour

*bellaperv swivels her pie seductively

(WolfyJB) so what kind of meatstick are you guys gonna use?

*GodofPie caresses her perky pastrycase lovingly

(pixiegrrl69) I think they were going to go with a cummerbund sausage

(bellaperv) unsheath the meatsaber luke piewalker!!!!

(GivemeheadyEddy) HAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!!!

(bellaperv) OK i doooo watch star wars too much.

(GodofPie) hahahah

*Pixiegrrl69 falls off chair in hysterics

(GivemeheadyEddy) that was friggin hilarious!!!

(GodofPie) LOL Bells

(bellaperv) autoresponse : username bellaperv just bust something laughing

* bellaperv slips her tongue around the edge of GodofPie's porkskin

* GodofPie slowly slides his sausage into bellaperv's glistening pie and moans as the pork sword delves deep into the sodden hole

(GivemeheadyEddy) ha ha ha!!!!!

* bellaperv 's piecrust stretches and pulsates with every thrust of GodofPie's hot pork injection

(GivemeheadyEddy) heh heh

(Pixiegrrl69) hahahaaaa

(rosewell51) i will never eat pie, gravy or sausage again!!

(GivemeheadyEddy) pork injection!!!!!

(bellaperv) hahaha i know but i'm laughing too much to stop

(Pixiegrrl69) lol

* GodofPie withdraws it a little, then thrusts yet deeper into the aromatic meaty dish

(GivemeheadyEddy) heh

* bellaperv gasps at the size of GodofPie's spicy sausage

* rosewell51 is thinking of going vegetarian after this chat tonight

(GivemeheadyEddy) his peppy pepperoni

* GodofPie arranges the quivering quiche so it has its back to his sausage and enters from behind, relishing the slopping of the gravy on the pigmeat truncheon

(bellaperv) hey they make veggie sausages as well. and tofu pies

(rosewell51) yes....veggies are a good thing.....oh wait that didn't sound so great, did it??

*GodofPie hasn't got a veggie sausage

(bellaperv) mmmmm veggies can be sooooo much fun

(Pixiegrrl69) Bells, she'll never eat anything again

(GodofPie) RAH!

(GodofPie) that was my sex scream. Was it too girly?

(bellaperv) every woman over 21 should own a cucumber

* bellaperv enjoys GodofPie's 100% meat content sausage as it delves into her gravy-soaked reaches

(rosewell51) ewwwww

(rosewell51) sick, sick, sick!!

(rosewell51) you all are sick!!! sick i say

* GodofPie thrusts his meaty sausage with little twists between bellaperv's frilly piecrusts

* GivemeheadyEddy is very sick

* Pixiegrrl69 is rolling back and forth on the floor laughing

(bellaperv) i know isn't it great

(Pixiegrrl69) lol at Eddy

* rosewell51 enjoys Eddy being sick.....very sick

* GodofPie builds up rhythm and bellaperv's hedonistic hotpocket is reduced to a mound of quivering gravy and meat as the livestock loverod pounds it into submission

(GivemeheadyEddy) livestock loverod!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(rosewell51) oh god.....this is just not a happy image

(GivemeheadyEddy) HA HA HA HA!!!!!

(DoctorDeath) Livestock loverod????? *choking*

(rosewell51) ...nooooo!!!!!!!!

(rosewell51) Hold ME!!! someone hold me DAMN IT!!!

*GrizzlyHardons fondles rosewell51's baps and stares covetously at her pink pasty

* bellaperv begins to thrash and her pie floods with gravy as GodofPie's sausage presses into her bouillon-lubricated depths

(GodofPie) hahahahah

* Guest77940 joins the channel

* rosewell51 is now emotionally scarred for life!!!!

(DoctorDeath) so am i, come to think of it…lol

* rosewell51 hides her face in GrizzlyHardons' chest whimpering unhappily

* Guest77940 is now known as Piescaresme

(bellaperv) oh poor guest doesn't know they have joined an asylum

(rosewell51) this isn't an asylum!!!!

(rosewell51) this is a sick cattle farm!!!

*rosewell51 bursts into traumatized tears

* bellaperv's twitching tart trembles with every thrust of GodofPie's thick cattleprod

* GodofPie groans as his straining meat ramrod slops through the Oxo orifice into the gooey depths inside

(rosewell51) nasty icky pie people!!

* WolfyJB huggles the traumatized rosewell51

(Pixiegrrl69) FUCKING SHIFT KEY - WHO MADE THIS GODDAMN THING ANYWAY?

* GivemeheadyEddy made this shift key

(Piescaresme) Uh oh

* GivemeheadyEddy laughs

(Piescaresme) I've walked in on the hanky panky again

(GivemeheadyEddy) yep

(rosewell51) uh oh?

(Piescaresme) hmm

(GivemeheadyEddy) but this time it's different

(Piescaresme) and how so

(GivemeheadyEddy) now it's pie-bersex

* bellaperv manipulates her pie with studied ease as the meaty shaft begins a tremor that courses through her delectable yet gravy-flooded baked receptacle

(Piescaresme) i don't know what pie ber sex is

* GodofPie moans and gasps as the sausage finally gives way under the relentless assault on it and spurts its meaty love into the well soaked pie

(Pixiegrrl69) see? Thrust.

* rosewell51 cuddles up against WolfyJB because the piesexfiends have frightened and grossed her out!!

(GivemeheadyEddy) instead of cyber sex, this is pie-bersex

(rosewell51) no this is just…SICK

(GodofPie) hahah

(Piescaresme) agreed

*WolfyJB finds the pies having sex a bit disturbing

(Pixiegrrl69) yep complete with Luke Piewalker

*rosewell51 acks and shudders

*bellaperv screams in ecstasy as she feels her pie being flooded with GodofPie's hot gravy

(Lesme) yes…definitely disturbing

*Piescaresme is extremely scared now and hides in corner

(DoctorDeath) Oh my.

*WolfyJB thinks someone has watched American Pie one too many times

(Lesme) *nods*

(bellaperv) hahaha yeah baked goods

(GrizzlyHardons) mmm…apple pie

(bellaperv) like waaaarrrrrrrm apple pie

(GivemeheadyEddy) home made or McDonald's?

(WolfyJB) *lix GivemeheadyEddy like a pie*

(bellaperv) mcdonalds!!!! see earlier reference to hotpocket!

(rosewell51) oh god, i swear to everyone i will NEVER look at a piece of pie again…this is just too icky

*Pixiegrrl69 is now known as Pixiegrrl69pie

*Piescaresme agrees with rosewell51

*GivemeheadyEddy throws moist warm pie at WolfyJB

*rosewell51 screams bloody murder

(Lesme) careful! That's gonna stain!

*WolfyJB shudders

*GivemeheadyEddy is now known as GivemeheadyEddysausage

(GivemeheadyEddysausage) ha

(DoctorDeath) Piedicide!

*rosewell51 ducks then attacks Eddy

*bellaperv's pie relaxes as the last shudders subside and she is left to stew in her own juices when GodofPie takes his sausage away

(bellaperv) ahhhhhhhhh

*WolfyJB shakes his head

(rosewell51) ok who in this place is NOT into food/pie sex??????

*WolfyJB shakes his head again

*WolfyJB raises his hand at rosewell51's question

(Lesme) Me! Me!!!

(bellaperv) think i'm done for the night

(DoctorDeath) Me!

(Pixiegrrl69pie) *raises hand*

(Piescaresme) me!

(Pixiegrrl69pie) okay, I lied

*GodofPie's sausage slowly wilts, and he looks at bellaperv lovingly, seeing her happiness at the state of her pie

*Piescaresme eyes the Polish sausages in her fridge and gets horny

(DoctorDeath) I think that's enough for tonight, people.

**MIRC channel 69 sparklechat session suspended**

Bella sat up on the bed, closing the laptop, as her cellphone buzzed to indicate a new text message.

_**I'll be home in three hours. I think we've exhausted the pie theme but I was wondering…how you felt about Star Wars? Love GodofPie xxx**_

She smiled knowingly.

_**Sounds good, Jazz. I'll see if I have a gold bikini anywhere ;) See you soon. Love bellaperv xxx**_


End file.
